| Location | Leeds |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 21/06/2008 |
| Date of Death | 21/06/2008 |
| Visitors | 8,817 since 26/06/2008 |
| Creator |
* In Loving Memory *
~ Joshua Charlie Tout ~
Born sleeping on the 21st June 2008 at 1:00am (24 weeks + 2 days)
Loved and missed more than any words could ever explain.
Baby of Rachel Tout and Robert Houlden
I had the feeling I might be pregnant as I felt more sick and tired than normal. I got a test did it in my bathroom, shortly after went to look it said in black letters 'pregnant'. I nearly jumped for joy I was shocked but soooo excited. First scan was fine .. second scan was fine - it was a boy!! I was so happy and couldn't wait I was half way through, I had bought him clothes, bottles, a monitor, ordered pushchair, started thinkin how to do his nursery, even started to plan for the future.
I was fine on the Tuesday 17th all day (23 weeks 5 days gestation). I had been laying with my boyfriend in his room at mine and didn't feel anything untoward. When I went up to bed just before 12 I felt like I needed the toilet so I tryed to go. This is when something wasn't right. (Sorry graphic) It felt like something big was pushing into the wall of my bum from my vagina. I gently put my finger to my vagina to see what it had and I felt a bulge of something. Being 17 and it being my first pregnancy I just imagined it to be something swollen, until I looked in a mirror to see and saw something that looked black at the surface. I knew something wasn't right but had no clue what it was, I explained it to my mum but she had never naturally go into labour so had no idea what it could be. My boyfriend and mum finally convinced me around 12 to go to the hospital. It was only when we were nearly there that my stomach started hurting slightly. I went to A&E and they sent me to delivery ward. It took ages to be examined! As it was a really busy night. My pains started getting so bad I was throwing myself around the bed trying to get comfy, I was being sick (probably nerves), it was awful. When they finally examined me they said I was in labour - 4cm dilated. How could I be in labour?! I wasn't even 24 weeks through?
They put me into a bigger delivery room. They decided to put me on a drip to stop my labour. I was in hospital till Friday. Wasn't allowed to move. I wasn't too scared, my mum and boyfriend were with me alot, I had midwives in and out all the time. I was having all sorts of injections and antibiotics, always having blood taken, blood pressure and temperature taken. Doctors kept coming in and going on about a stitch they could give me to stop my labour although there was a chance it would go wrong and I'd go into labour. I wasn't sure whether I fancied the chances. Finally on Friday I decided against it. I wanted to give my little man the best chance which I thought was to leave it to fate. And oh did 'fate' appear. Before I had chance to tell them I didn't want it my midwife had taken my temperature and blood pressure. This is where my hell started. My temperature was double, blood pressure was through the roof. Doctor came in and said I had an infection, a life threatening infection and they had no choice but to but me on a different drip to 'induce' labour. I was so horrified, 'there's no going back'. I had been reading about his chances and had thought they were slim but maybe he would be a lucky one. They examined me, I was 9cm dilated - I had been in labour pretty much all day and hadn't felt a thing. I think that was my bodies way of saying Joshua needs to be out, which is why drip had stopped working. He was in the right position, maybe everything would be okay?
I chose to use gas and air. I'd had enough injections. I couldn't have my water birth as I had wanted. It wasn't too bad the contractions, the gas and air made me feel like I was floating on air. When it came to pushing I couldn't use it. I was pushing and pushing through the contractions and as he felt like he was coming my contraction stopped. Then they told me he was trying to come out shoulder first, this couldn't be good. She had to cut me, to help his chances. He finally came out, I then noticed how many people were in the room, they took him straight over to the neo-natal doctors. I hadn't even realised he hadn't made a noise. It all felt so surreal, I almost forgot Joshua was fighting for his life. It was then I felt like my heart had been ripped out, 'I'm really sorry Rachel'. But I didn't cry. I couldn't cry. Some of the people went out and they gave Joshua to me, he was so perfect, so beautiful. He just looked as though he was sleeping. My mum had gone out of the room during labour and she came back in, Rob had gone out for a cigarette and had told her, I had my stitches with my mum holding my hand and she was crying and I just shook my finger at her. When Rob (his daddy and my other half) came back in I gave Joshua to him because I felt really sick. I tryed to be sick but my stitches pulled really hard so I couldn't.
They moved me to the Snowdrop Suite (for parents who had lost their child). It was so quite. They had taken Joshua to clean him up and dress him. My wonderful midwife brought him into us. He was so perfect, there he was right infront of me, my gorgeous gorgeous baby boy. I felt such a surge of love and pride. The midwife had said he never took a breathe. He weighed 1 pound 11 ounces and had fair blonde hair. I got to hold him and didn't want to put him downm. I kept tight hold of his hand. I loved spending time with him/
I had text quite a few people to let them know, especially the people from work and home that knew I was in hospital and why. From Saturday morning, about 4 hours later till about Sunday night I had 100's and 100's of texts. And a fair few calls which I didn't pick up as I couldn't talk to anyone. My dad came on Saturday night, it was the first time I saw him cry. We took so many pictures of Joshua, so many, I never wanted to forget even though I knew I never would. Till Sunday afternoon was a blur, I had the all clear and decided to leave. They gave me my blue box and I got ready, into my maternity jeans and maternity top. I remember as I left the room I passes my baby to the midwife and said 'please please look after him'. As I walked out cuddling my blue box, I saw some of the midwives that had looked after me looking at me with tears in ntheir eyes. I started crying once again, I felt like I hadn't stopped. I got home and my cat came and clicked on my stomach and I said to her 'No Katie, there's no one there anymore' and she just looked at me and then came and sat on my knee. The funeral was the following Thursday, it was so hard the week or so inbetween, I couldn't believe my precious baby boy that I wanted so much was gone. And I couldn't hold him again.
The funeral was really beautiful, I was so happy that he got the best send-off I could give.
To today, I have my good and bad days, I cryed the whole time writing this, its the first time I told my whole story. Hope you didn't get bored. I really miss him and love him with all my heart but my little angel is happy and is watching down on his Mummy and Daddy and I know that. I will NEVER forget him.
He was just the most perfect baby boy ever and he was honestly so gorgeous. Not just me being biased. We got too spend lots of time with him after and he just looked like a little angel sleeping and as if he would wake and cry at any moment. It gave me comfort to be able to hold my baby boy in my arms and tell him 'i love you'
Words can not express my pain right now but im very proud to say im
a mummy and always will be, youll never find me sayin i have no
children and he will always be counted as my first child.
Im sure right now hes up in heaven playing with all the other little angels and hes watching over me.
We had a beautiful service at St Johns Church at 12:00pm on Thursday 3rd July and then went on to Yeadon Cemetery at 1:00pm for his burial.
RIP Sweetie, Mummy and Daddy love you lots and lots xxx
xx Rachel & Joshua (up with the angels) xx
*** To Joshua Charlie Tout x ***
By Rachel Louise Tout (Mummy)
Sometimes I feel decent,
Sometimes I feel low,
Sometimes I feel like theres no one to talk to,
And like theres nowhere to go.
Sometimes I think about pregnancy,
Sometimes I think of your face,
Sometimes I cry my heart out for you,
But I know you're in a better place.
Sometimes I don't wanna move,
Sometimes I can't sit still,
Sometimes I feel I can't talk about you,
But I know I always will.
Sometimes I call you my little angel,
Sometimes my little star,
Sometimes I feel you couldn't be further away,
But I know that you're never far.
Sometimes I could shout and scream and cry,
Sometimes I just can't explain,
Just can't really explain what I'm feeling,
This everlasting pain.
Sometimes I pray to God to help,
Sometimes I turn to you,
Sometimes I talk to you about everything,
Because I just don't know what to do.
As I sat here writing this poem,
It brought a tear to my eye,
I miss you so much it's unheard of,
I'm not sure if I ever won't cry.
So my Joshua Charlie I love you,
You'll always be in my heart,
And even as much as I miss you dearly,
I know we'll never be apart.
*** From The Moment ***
By Rachel Louise Tout (Mummy)
From the moment that I saw you,
I could tell that your were mine,
You looked like your Mummy and you Daddy,
And I wish we had more time.
More time to get to know you,
More time to see your face,
More time to see you grow up,
But this wasn’t the case.
I wish you hadn’t left,
I wish that you were here,
I wish this hadn’t happened,
But you were so brave and had no fear.
I think of you in the day time,
I think of you at night,
I think of you in wind and rain,
I think of you when the sun shines so bright.
I know that you’re in heaven,
And it’s better than where we are,
And even though it could seem worlds apart,
I know we’re never far.
I’ll remember you on your birthday,
I’ll remember you forever,
I’ll remember you until the end of my time,
Until we are together.
I’ll love you everyday,
Whether I’m at home or out,
I’ll love you and miss you all the time,
My darling son Joshua Charlie Tout.
♥ ♥............ New Year’s Reflections..............♥ ♥
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_***__________**____ _____***__
_***______WISHING_______***_
_***_______YOU___A_ _____***_
__***______HAPPY_____ ___***___
___***______NEW_____ ___***____
____***____YEAR____ __***_____
______***___2012____ ***_______
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♥ ♥..................................Looking back on the months gone by,
As a new year starts and an old one ends,
We contemplate what brought us joy,
And we think of our loved ones and our friends.....................♥ ♥
♥ ♥................................................Recalling all the happy times,
Remembering how they enriched our lives
We reflect upon who really counts,
As the fresh and bright new year arrives.................................♥ ♥
♥ ♥............................................And when I ponder those who do,
Immediately think of you............................................................♥ ♥
♥ ♥.........Thanks for being one of the reasons I'll have a Happy New Year!...................................................................................♥ ♥
.................................By Joanna Fuchs.............................................
ALL MY LOVE TO ALL MY ANGLES
♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥
..★*˚�。�*。�*。★*˚�。�*。�˚�★*˚�。
....._██_*˚�。�/​ ♥ \*˚�。�*。*˚�。�*。
....Ë› (�• Ì®•)*.。*/​♫.♫\*Ë›.*....Ë›_Π_____*˚�。*。�*â¤*Ëš
......( . • . ) ˛�./• '♫ ' •\.Ë›*./______/~ï¼¼*˚�。�*。�*�*â¤
....*(...'•'.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛�.｜田田â¤ï½œé–€ï½œâ•¬â•¬â•¬â•¬â•¬*˚�
Here's a festive greeting
Thats as special as they come
So from my family to yours,
May your day be filled with fun
And happy memories from yesteryear.
♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥
(( HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL HAPPY NEW YEAR .))
I would like to thank you all of you my dear friends for ever thing you do for my angles love you all big hugs. It helps to know you all care and love them too and understand to all of you are my support and help keep me going love you all for that take care all my love Sylvie bye for now.
♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥
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♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥ ♥***♥***♥***♥***♥
☆ * ☆ * ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ * .☆ * ☆ * ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ *
Thinking of you at Christmastime
You're in my thoughts today
You've only gone to Heaven
To watch over us each day.
Today we'll spend together
just like we always do
I'm sending Christmas Wishes
with love
from me to you.
Christmas blessings
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.☆ * ☆ * ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ * .☆ * ☆ * ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆
GOODNIGHT GODBLESS ANGEL ~
`♥ Christmas Without You`♥
.* . * ( \(_)/ ) * * .
.* . * (_ /|\ _) . *. *
.* . * . /___\ * . . *
*. * . * . * . . * *.*
.............*
........... *.☽.
...... . * . ☽. *.
.. . * . ☽. *. ☽. *.
............|_|
Christmas without you here with me,
can never possibly be the same.
But I carry an Angel within my heart;
one so precious, who has your name.
An Angel forever watching over me,
at Christmas time, and over the year.
Although you can't be here anymore,
inside my heart, you are so very near.
There is no special present for you,
wrapped up under my Christmas tree.
But I have a greater gift to give to you;
all the love you can still feel from me.
No, Christmas time without you here,
could not ever possibly be the same.
But, I have had the precious gift of you,
and the memories and love, will remain.
� Pamela Hall
All my love Sylvie
ღ ღ ღ All My Love Beautiful Angel ღ ღ ღ
*ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ*
*ღ..........ღ* *ღHeavenly *ღ..........ღ* *ღ shona sengupta. ..ღ*
*ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ*
How will heaven be?
As far as I can see
It will have huge bells
And will be situated on clouds
It will have many golden wells
That will so often swell
Rain will be abundant
And the sun will shine all day long
Angels will play on the harp
The sweetest summer song
Music that will touch the heart
While those beneath will shed drops of sorrow
Little will they know what will happen on the morrow
But to them up above
As plain and clear it will be
As far as far as I can see
Yes there will be misty alleys
And lush green meadows
Fresh with the fragrant smell of spring
Winter will never be bitter
Summer never so hot
Autumn never so bare
And resources never so scarce
Food for all will be relished by all.
Grateful we’ll be as grateful can be
Mountains high and strong and brown
Surrounding that hidden land,
Beautiful and vast seas I see
There colour as blue as sapphire can be
And the white waves lashing upon the shore
Sitting on the flattened grey rocks
Who would not call it absolutely heavenly?
However it might actually be,
But can we still not see
There will lie behind this seen
A relieving feeling of bliss
For where not have we been
But is this not by all believed
That after one’s decease
This is the land of eternal peace
Where we all ultimately reach?
*ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ* *ღ..........ღ*
happy birthday
happy birthday /angel day joshua
hope you have a lovely day with all your angel friends esecially my angel who also is having his birthday in the baby angel garden today
love
jacky (baby angel phillip joyce,s mummy )
Happy Fathers Day - by Ingrid Aspey
♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡
┊　　 ┊　　 ┊　　 ♥HAPPY FATHERS DAY
┊　　 ┊　　 ♥FOR EVEN IN OUR HEART
┊　　 ♥ MISS YOU LOVE YOU BIG HUGS
♥ TAKE CARE BYE FOR NOW
ALL MY LOVE SYLVIE
I was not sure what to get you
On this special Father's Day
So I though I’d write this letter
This is what I’d like to say
I would like to thank you Dad
For everything you did
For your love and understanding
For me your special kid
You set a good example
Taught me to be strong
You were always there for me
To teach me right from wrong
You’re the one, who taught me
How to work and how to play
For this I am so grateful
Each and every day
You taught me not to question
Things that were Gods will
I find this very hard to do
‘Cos I wish I was here still
I know that you are proud of me
You always told me so
And I love and am so proud of you
Although I’m sure you know
One day we’ll meet again Dad
I know that this is true
But I’m sorry that God called me home
That we’re not still together we two
So until we meet again Dad
In Heaven up above
I wish you Happy Fathers Day
And send you all my love
Copyright� Ingrid Aspey 13.06.09
From your Angel up above X
╔╗★
â•‘â•‘â•”â•â•¦â•¦â•¦â•â•‘â•šâ•â• â•â•¦â•¦â•—
║╚╣║║║║╩╣╗╔╣║║║║
â•šâ•â•©â•â•©â•â•©â•â•â•šâ•â•šâ•â•©â•â• ♥
♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡♥ღ♡ღ♥ღ♡
нαρρу Ñ”αÑ•Ñ‚Ñ”Ñ ∗ нαρρу Ñ”αÑ•Ñ‚Ñ”Ñ ∗ нαρρу Ñ”αÑ•Ñ‚Ñ”Ñ ∗
ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ .
.. .. __.. .. .. .. /^\..
.. ..’.. \.. .. .. . /.:.\..
.. ./.. ..\.. .. .. |.::.\..
.. /.. /.. \.. .. .’/ ::: |..
..|.. .|::..\.. ../.:::’/..
..|.. /.\::..|. .’/.:::’/..
..`–`.. \’..`~~.’:’/`..
.. .. .. ./.. .. .. ..(..
.. .. .. /.. 0._.0.. \..
.. .. .\/.. ..\_/.. .. \/..
. -===.’.’.. |.. ‘.’.===-..
.. .. ./\.. .’-^-’.. . /\..
.. .. .. \.. _.. _.. /..
.. .. . .-`-((\o/))-`-..
.._.. /.. ..//^\\.. ..\.. _..
.”o”.(.. .,..:::..,.. .).”o”..
|o o\\.. .\ ::::: /.. .//o o|.. .. O
.\.. .\\. .’ |:::::|.. ‘//.. . /.. . OO
..\.. .\\__/:::::\__//.. ./.. . OOO
.. \..:.\`’` :::: `’` /.:../.. . OOOO
.. .\’::.|__.. . . __|.::’/.. ..OOOOO
.. ..`—`.`”‘ ” ‘”`.`—`.. .. .
â–’â–█▒â–█░▒▄█▀▄░▒â–█▀█▒â–█▀█ ▀▄░▄▀
â–’â–████▒â–█▄▄â–█▒â–█▄█▒â–█▄█ ░░█░░
â–’â–█▒â–█▒â–█░▒â–█▒â–█░░▒â–█░░ ░░▀░░
â–’â–█▀▀░▒▄█▀▄░▒▄█▀▀█▒█▀█▀█▒â–█▀▀▒â–█▀▀▄
â–’â–█▀▀▒â–█▄▄â–█▒▀▀█▄▄░░▒█░░▒â–█▀▀▒â–█▒â–â–ˆ
â–’â–█▄▄▒â–█░▒â–█▒█▄▄█▀░▒▄█▄░▒â–█▄▄▒â–█▀▄▄
ALL MY LOVE WISH YOU WHERE HEAR
WITH US TODAY BUT ALL OF YOU ARE
OUR HEARTS WHERE YOUR ALWAYS BE
BIG HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
THAT MISS YOU EVERDAY WE SEND OUR
LOVE TO YOU XXX AND HUGS TO ALL OF
YOU TAKE CARE BYE FOR NOW LOVE
FROM ME SYLVIE MOMMY OF SAMANTHA
BELANGER AND GRANDDAUGHTER OF
ALBERT AND MARIE-JEANNE BELANGER
ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ .
** HAPPY EASTER ANGELS **
..♥....__
........|.~.|
( ♥ )....Happy
... |.~.| ..˜ `˜”* •♥• *”˜ `
........|.~.|...(\_/).........Easter
.....,. |.~.| ..( . .).....˜ `˜”* •♥• *”˜ `
..̴̡ı̴̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡.̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡ ღ('')('')̴̡̡ı̴̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡.̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡
Meeting the Easter Bunny
by Rowena Bennett, 1930
On Easter morn at early dawn
before the cocks were crowing
I met a bob-tail bunnykin
and asked where he was going.
"Tis in the house and out the house
a-tispy, tipsy-toeing,
Tis round the house and 'bout the house
a-lighlty I am going."
"But what is that of every hue
you carry in your basket?"
"Tis eggs of gold and eggs of blue;
I wonder that you ask it.
"Tis chocolate eggs and bonbon eggs
and eggs of red and gray,
For every child in every house
on bonny Easter day."
He perked his ears and winked his eye
and twitched his little nose;
He shook his tail -- what tail he had --
and stood up on his toes.
"I must be gone before the sun;
the east is growing gray;
Tis almost time for bells to chime." --
So he hippety-hopped away.
Love and Hugs~Sylvie xxxxx
⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠Easter Time ⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠â¤
...... ___
......-.*))*-.-\...**Happy**
... /..*.((*...*..\
../.*..*))..*.*....\***Easter**
..I.. *..((*...*....I.............(\../)
...\*...*)). *...*/..............( . .)
..... '-.((__*'.............. .('')('')
\\///....♥♥♥♥♥♥♥....\\///...\\///
________♥áƒ¦Ï â‚¡áƒ¦♥________
♥ღ♥..... With Love .....♥ღ♥
________♥áƒ¦Ï â‚¡áƒ¦♥________
From Sylvie xxx
⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠My Angel ⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠â¤
Another family get together an occation we celebrate
giving family members chocolate, feeling rather great,
when deep down all we are doing is thinking of you
not being at our side again and missing you its true.
though there are lots of colorful flowers we can take to your side
where we laid you to rest and became our Angel Guide,
⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠My Angel ⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠â¤
Maybe go to mass sunday and say a little prayer
for Easter is also religious when Jesus was taken up there,
we can also light a candle inside the church of God
drink his wine, smile at the priest, then give a slight nod.
for if their is anyone who knows, how we are feeling today
surely they will be in the church feeling the same way
⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠My Angel ⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠â¤
So i guess this coming Easter we can all take a moment to think
of that precious moment in time you became the missing Link,
For your my Special Angel and i want you to be aware
no matter what time of year, your memories i will always share
and though deep inside of me, I hold an aching heart
I know in my heart of hearts we wont always be apart
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::::::(=' :'):::::::(=' :')::::::(=' :'):::::(=' :')::::::
::::::(,('')('')::::(,('')('')::::(,('')('')::::(,('')('')::::
⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠Easter Time ⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠⤠â¤
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